"Laya, when you and Luke have a baby, will you forget about me?"
Janie, my 4-year old niece(who was one of my flower girls), asked me last Sunday.
Aww. Of course, I told her I would never forget about her and that I will always love her and her sister Lily no matter how many babies Luke and I end up having.
Luke and I have had several talks of starting a family. Well, mostly it was initiated by me after seeing a baby at a restaurant, or watching TV shows or movies involving pregnancies, etc. It would start with me saying, "
Awww, I want a baby," followed by Luke's deep sigh, showing his obvious discomfort with the topic.
We had agreed to wait - at least 2 years - so I can finish school and get my certification and teach for at least a year. And so Luke can establish himself at his new job. So we can be financially ready to take on the responsibilities of having a child. All so reasonable and sensible, right?
I know we're no where near ready financially. With the economy the way it is now, we are not where we were 2 years ago.
But sometimes I feel like mentally, and physically, I am ready. Obviously I'm not going to push my poor husband into this until he is ready. When will he be ready? I don't know. But I have fantasized about him looking me into my eyes and saying, "let's make a baby." Okay - I'm not going to get into anymore than that. TMI.
The thought of having a baby obviously has crossed my mind on several occasions since Luke and I got married. But I really have been thinking a lot about it in the last couple of days...Ever since I got a text message from someone very dear to me on Monday.
"I'm having a baby!"
I have to admit, when I first got a text from her saying "guess what," I thought of 3 things(she was
texting me from work, hence the text messages):
- she is engaged
- she is pregnant
- both of the above
BUT when my prediction #2 was confirmed by the text that followed, I was still shocked. And happy, of course. But I was definitely more shocked.
The next thing that came to mind was marriage. She said they(her boyfriend, of course) were both excited about the baby, but have no plans to get married right away. If they decide to get married, it would be for them, not because of the baby. They didn't want to rush into something they weren't ready for. Makes sense. I agreed with her on that.
But here's my thing - if they are not ready to be married, then how can they be ready to raise a child together? Why weren't they careful? Yes, I know accidents happen. Yes, I know Ross and Rachel used protection and still she got pregnant from that one time they did it (and yes, it's fictional), and that even with protection, a girl can get pregnant. I know that.
In MY opinion (and we're all entitled to have one, right?) though, if you are being careful and responsible, you can totally prevent it from happening. Like Luke and I have for the last 4 and a half years we've known each other. And we will until we are completely ready.
Her mother, who is religious and traditional, naturally believes she should do it the "right" way, and get married before the baby comes. Yes, she is excited and will be supportive, but that's just what she believes.
I do and don't agree with her mother. I agree with her to an extent because - call me old school - I believe that two people should make a lifetime commitment to each other before bringing a child into this world. Well, that's how I've always wanted to live MY life(and I will never preach about this or judge anyone who choose to have a baby before marriage). In that order. Marriage, then baby. Okay, Luke and I are not completely religious and holy - I moved into his house 8 months after we started dating (which his mother was not too thrilled about), and neither of us saved ourselves for marriage. But you know what I mean.
I don't agree with her mother completely because what if they're simply not right for each other? What if they rush into marriage, and then realize 6 months later that they can't stand one another? I guess they could say they tried - but they would then have to deal with divorce, annulment, etc. Ugh. The headache of dealing with all of that.
So I hope that her mother won't try to pressure her too much about marriage because that will drive them apart more and it will hurt this person who means a lot to me. I hope that they will be able to work out their differences eventually, and that her mother will give them her blessing wholeheartedly and be there for her 100%.
And if they do decide to get married before the baby comes, I really hope that they're doing it because they truly are ready to make that commitment to each other - as they have for their baby.
photography by Jonathan Hanson
I need to get ready for work now:-(
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